Saturday, September 21, 2013

Farewell talk

I don't give this talk until tomorrow and it may go differently but here's what I have written for my farewell talk.

Well, I have 17 days until I actually report but with our primary program next week and Conference the next, you all get to hear me early!
Speaking of conference though…in two weeks marks the 1 year anniversary of an amazing announcement. President Monson started the October general conference of 2012 by announcing the age of young men and women being eligible to serve a mission was lowered. Now, that was an exciting announcement across the world but let me tell you what the impact was at BYU-Idaho. 3 out of 5 of my roommates decided almost immediately to go talk to their bishops about serving. My mom called me shortly after conference and all the girls in my apartment complex could be heard running back and forth from rooms to talk about it with friends. In classes the next day, more and more girls I talked to were already positive they were going to serve as soon as possible. Guys jokingly complained that now they would have no one to date since everyone was leaving. Unfortunately, I didn’t know how I felt about everything and I knew other women would be in my position too. Deciding to go on a mission for a woman can be difficult. While sisters in the church are not required to go on a mission, they are needed. I knew from reading both of my brothers and other friends letters home that a mission was hard and there was a lot of work to be done but they could see how it was letting them grow and learn and change for the better. Of course I knew that it would be an amazing experience but I was also just finishing my freshman year of college and not even sure about the major I was in anymore. Even after getting home, I struggled a lot with the idea of a mission. I had doubts about putting my life on hold for 18 months. My brother was getting married soon. Another brother was coming home from a mission. Another brother was starting senior year and my last brother was going into freshman year. I wanted to be there with my family. I also had always assumed that if I wasn’t married by the time I was 21, I would go on a mission. I felt too young and inexperienced to take on the responsibilities of a missionary. Shortly after getting home, Sister Bishop was speaking in this ward. She and her husband were senior missionaries assigned to help with property and maintenance and that Sunday, had been asked to speak about serving as senior missionaries. She was encouraging those eligible to serve as senior missionaries and right when I was thinking what she said didn’t apply to me, she said something profound. If you are deciding to serve a mission, you have to let go of all doubt and just serve. Sure she was talking about senior missionaries but I realized that my personal doubts were the only things keeping me from starting my paperwork. In that moment I was so grateful for having the gift of the Holy Ghost  affirm to me the correctness of her words and of the choice to serve a mission.
Now after that rambling story, I started my mission paperwork, ran into a lot of discouraging obstacles but finally got my call to the Oregon Portland mission. I’d been spending the last couple of weeks preparing to leave physically and spiritually when the bishop reminded me that I would need to give a farewell talk. Needless to say, I was not as excited as I should have been. The topic I was given was preparing for revelatory experiences and I spent about 3 days totally stumped on what to say. While praying about it, my experience with Sister Bishop came to me and I realized that that had been a revelatory experience. Other moments kept coming to my mind of difficult decisions I’ve had to make or even just questions I had that I had found guidance and answers to through the Spirit of revelation. So now I would like to share with you what Elder Bednar told us in the April conference of 2011.

First, Elder Bednar explained what the Spirit of Revelation is and how we can have it. He said “Revelation is communication from God to His children on the earth and one of the great blessings associated with the gift and constant companionship of the Holy Ghost. The Prophet Joseph Smith taught, “The Holy Ghost is a revelator,” and “no man can receive the Holy Ghost without receiving revelations”

The spirit of revelation is available to every person who receives by proper priesthood authority the saving ordinances of baptism by immersion for the remission of sins and the laying on of hands for the gift of the Holy Ghost—and who is acting in faith to fulfill the priesthood injunction to “receive the Holy Ghost.” This blessing is not restricted to the presiding authorities of the Church; rather, it belongs to and should be operative in the life of every man, woman, and child who reaches the age of accountability and enters into sacred covenants. Sincere desire and worthiness invite the spirit of revelation into our lives.”

Everyone in this room who has been baptized and is striving to keep the commandments has the Spirit of Revelation available to them as a tool and gift. Our job is to learn recognize when the Spirit is speaking to us and to act on what we are told.
 

There is a variety of ways that we can receive revelation including visions, dreams, conversations with heavenly messengers and inspiration. Some happen immediately and intensely while others are gradual and subtle. I’ve found the most common form of revelation I receive is inspiration and it is quiet and subtle which is also a trial of my patience. Elder Bednar even said, “We as members of the Church tend to emphasize marvelous and dramatic spiritual manifestations so much that we may fail to appreciate and may even overlook the customary pattern by which the Holy Ghost accomplishes His work. The very “simpleness of the way” of receiving small and incremental spiritual impressions that over time and in totality constitute a desired answer or the direction we need may cause us to look “beyond the mark.” There are many times that I am not even expecting inspiration or maybe not even prepared to receive it but things happen in the Lord’s time and it is important for us to try and be prepared for that.
 

Elder Bednar explains “In many of the uncertainties and challenges we encounter in our lives, God requires us to do our best, to act and not be acted upon, and to trust in Him. We may not see angels, hear heavenly voices, or receive overwhelming spiritual impressions. We frequently may press forward hoping and praying—but without absolute assurance—that we are acting in accordance with God’s will. But as we honor our covenants and keep the commandments, as we strive ever more consistently to do good and to become better, we can walk with the confidence that God will guide our steps. And we can speak with the assurance that God will inspire our utterances. This is in part the meaning of the scripture that declares, “Then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God.” In preparing for revelation, part of the process is just to continue enduring to the end and trust that the Lord will reveal things to us in His time as we need it.

Another story I would like to share actually happened recently to me. While waiting for my mission call, I decided that I needed to find a job and begin saving more money for my mission. I thought with the beginning of summer, a nanny job would be best to get. I spent hours online looking for and applying to positions in the area. After a few weeks, a woman began contacting me about a well-paying position in Council Bluffs. For a month and a half, we emailed back and forth attempting to figure out details. She claimed she was in the middle of moving and her children were with her grandparents in Cyprus. The story got stranger as her son became ill and she had to go to Cyprus. She was wanting me to pick up her stuff that was being shipped from another state and have it ready in their apartment when they got back. I was so focused on trying to figure out how to help that I didn’t realize that her story was getting shadier and shadier. By the end, she sent me a check for $3500 to pay off the movers and get my first week of pay. Thankfully, my mom and I were both in tune with the strong feeling from the spirit to NOT cash that check or send any money on. We were able to get in contact with our bank and the one the check came from and discover that it was a fake check and I had almost been scammed out of a lot of money that I didn’t have. I was so angry at first. I had to spend the day after my temple endowment talking to police about the details. I had wasted a month and a half not earning money. I had been taken advantage of and left in a rut. My mom kept telling me to be grateful that we had caught it and that it could have definitely been worse. I knew that but it was still a prick in my side that I needed to let go of. As I prayed about it in the days after, I asked why I had been so led on and why I couldn’t have known sooner that I was falling into a trap. Gradually, I began to feel the answer. It was a trial that I had to come through to understand the Lord better. I had been driven partially by the want of money and other than praying about the job initially, I hadn’t been asking for direct guidance through the rest of the process. I wasn’t being open to listening to the Spirit. I realized that the Lord always wants to help us but he can only do that if we let him. D&C 88:63 tell us to “ask, and we shall receive, knock and it shall be opened unto us.”
 

Looking back on the experience, I had also learned about blessings in disguise. I had learned a great lesson and a few weeks after, had a job offer land in my lap that I took and that already understood I would only have a little over a month to work for them. I have felt Christ’s love for me so strongly recently and been blessed to be able to go to the temple often and feel it more strongly.

I testify to you today that as we keep the commandments and live in harmony with the teachings of our prophets, apostles and most importantly our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, we will always have the Spirit of Revelation available to us, to guide us and protect us. I am so thankful for the opportunity I have to serve the people of Oregon and for the knowledge I have of loving friends and family here in this ward that will support me and pray for me. I thank you for that support. I pray that we can all feel our Savior’s love every moment of our lives.

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

A Mission Update

Well first of all, Ben and Sarah are married! A month later, we had two receptions to host in Omaha and the above picture was my sister and I as bridesmaids with some good friends from Germany! All the occasions were lovely but hectic and now that they're done, it's my turn to slightly panic as my mission is 22 days away!

Now, I realize I haven't posted much of my actual mission preparation but there is a lot that isn't physical that has to be done (if that makes any sense.) As far as clothing, luggage, hygiene products, etc. I think I mostly have what I need. Some items are last minute things I need to get or things I can buy cheaper at the MTC or on my mission. At the same time, after trying on most of my clothes I currently own, I think I have a relatively color-coordinated wardrobe to bring but there is a mixture of mission clothes and clothes I have to wear in the meantime that is making it difficult to really officially pack anything yet. I've also realized I have a lot of clothes that either don't fit me, don't work with garments or I just won't be wearing anymore. I don't want to give it all away to goodwill either because there are some nice things in there! I suppose I can figure out what to do in 22 days. That day is quite stuck in my head if you didn't notice.

Aside from the material things that I'll need to get through the next 18 months of my life, there are many spiritual preparations that one must go through before leaving for the MTC. I had set a goal for myself to read the whole Book of Mormon cover to cover before then as well as starting the other books that are allowed on missions. I try to stick to a mission schedule including when scripture study times are but it's very easy to slip into the "worldly" ways of college-kid sleep schedules and laziness. I am trying to at least walk more every day!

My biggest struggle has been with doubt. During the few quite moments at work or before I fall asleep at night, thoughts butt into my head about how hard it will be to walk so much every day, to talk to random strangers, to have doors slammed in my face or to have past medical problems affect my mood and strength again. I understand that most of these thoughts are Satan trying to scare me and stop me from going. I know with all my heart that going on this mission is the right thing to do but it is hard to fight your own mind. Being at home for the last 9 months hasn't helped much either. It's been a constant struggle trying to find the balance between daughter/sister/teenager-at-home and independent/woman/college-student. There are many times I feel alone in my personal struggle and I often forget that there is always my Savior, Heavenly Father and Holy Spirit waiting to listen to my problems and comfort me. It is a fight every day to focus on my mission ahead and make myself mentally, physically, emotionally and especially spiritually ready, but a fight that must be fought constantly because Satan tries hardest to take us down when we are doing our best.

Now that I've got that all out, I'll mention that I am giving a farewell talk in the Rockbrook Ward this coming Sunday and I have almost no idea what to say. I have a topic and everything but I know I am not a strong speaker when it comes to needing to fill 20 minutes with spiritual insight. I'll likely get side-tracked with personal stories and not even make it 10 minutes (like last time I gave a talk :p). I also have my flight itinerary already and will be flying out the morning of October 9th. I have already given my blog account information to my brother Matt and have asked him to share parts of emails I send home on here so anyone actually reading this can stay updated that way. For now, signing off!